How to reply to the Sicilian.

Just played a game against the Sicilian, used an opening I never knew existed until a few moments ago, the bowdler attack. The Sicilian is a cancer to chess and is, for all intensive purposes, impossible to defend against. Can someone help me counter this opening?

As a Sicilian "Specialist" depends what line you are talking about. There is a huge variety varying from the Taimonav (what i play) to the dragon. Can you specify or link a game?

The Bowdler Attack is 2. Bc4. If you want to beat the Sicilian, you should study the open Sicilian. If you want to just reach a middlegame, try the Anti-sicilians, the Grand Prix, the Closed, the Alapin, the KIA, etc.
Without knowing what you are comfortable with, there is no specific opening variation I could suggest.

Control the center, develop your pieces, respond to threats, keep your king safe, blah blah blah

If you know Italian, generally you can respond to any Sicilian with that and they will understand you.

They do, however, have their own variant language - a Romance mix of Italian and Sicilian. If your Sicilian only speaks Sicilian, then generally you will be able to reply to them in Italian with a high degree of mutual intelligibility, like Dutch and Afrikaans or Persian and Tajiki.

Finally, if all else fails it's worth replying in English. In this modern, globally connected world, around 1.7 billion people have a fairly good level of knowledge, and nearly everyone will know a few words in it, whether that's just "Manchester United" or "Obama".

The best reply to the Sicil, is 1. D4!!

Why play against the Sicil when you don't have to? :P

#5: Non ho capito nulla del tuo post ad eccezione di "Manchester United"

#7 "Non ho capito nulla del tuo post ad eccezione di "Manchester United" - "I did not understand anything about your post except from "Manchester United"

My point is proven.

#7, e "Obama"? (Il Presidente Americano)

I like playing some variation of a Maroczy Bind when playing against the Sicilian. 1. e4, c5, 2. Nf3, Nf6, 3. d4, cxd4, 4. Nxd4, e6, 5. c4, Nf6, 6. Nc3.. There are several variants that lead to similar positions, and it's a very comfortable position. Protect your c and e pawns until black becomes uncomfortable and has to break your hold on d5, then push them. A lot of Sicilians push e5, which leaves d5 completely open for a knight. Trading a bishop for their f6 knight has worked for me since it makes it uncomfortable for them to do anything about d5. e6 variants are a little annoying, but you can easily maneuver around since they have given up on controlling d4 early.

Keep in mind, I've only been playing this opening for a month or two, so I'm by no means an expert. But I've always been comfortable to play those positions outside of when I make obvious blunders early on.

Here are a few where I used the idea.

http://en.lichess.org/VsCKQQ9e#0
http://en.lichess.org/CzEZnhCt#0
http://en.lichess.org/fniWzREs#0

There are also a lot of games where I blundered the opening while learning it. So you should look to get advice from a more experienced player than I for any real secrets to the line.

I've never heard of the Sicilian being the cancer of chess.

At least you're original! Yet "free" and "fool" foster familiar faults...

Those replies are right when they claim that there is simply too much theory in the opening to suggest anything omnidirectional.

But #4's answer is succinct and wise.